The Embarrassing Dialogues: Episode 1

So I've decided to record my embarrassing moments for posterity. And I suppose for you all out there in case they make you laugh.

Episode 1 brings us to the AJ Stake Center on Sunday night. It was the Stake Music Fireside, and several ward choirs were singing Christmas numbers. Our ward choir has a tradition of matching outfits. You wear red or black.

Well, in my haste to make it to my mom's Sunday dinner and back to AJ by 7:00, I completely forgot about this stringent dress code.

I showed up in a bright turquoise shirt, a jean jacket, and a white skirt. When I realized the mistake, I was horrified. I scanned the audience, looking for one more person from my ward who made the same blunder. Nothing.

As we found our standing place to sing, there I was. Front and center. Turquoise and not proud of it.

Symbolic? Maybe. Maybe I never was a conformist. A secret rebel, perhaps? No. Just incredibly forgetful.

It's time to pull out the fish oil and Ginko Biloba pills for more brain power. But for now, I am a living example of the phrase, "Did you get the memo?"

Shopping obsession and a parade

The coats I will mention in a sec. This is another pic of my mom and Lacey, this time, with a dress she got from my friend Brynn. I'm tellin ya, I can't keep this up. This whole "taking-pictures-of baby-in-every-outfit thing" cannot go on for my second child. I'm always thinking, "Should I photo document how cute she looks in this too? " What if I missed something? I don't have the RAM for this obsession.

Speaking of obsessions, I need to get control. Anybody have a problem with shopping for that perfect item, and even exhanging something two or three times until you think you get it right? And then once you settle on something, it still bothers you that maybe you should've gotten the other thing?

No? You haven't felt that way? Then maybe I am OCD. The two items I'm still all torn about are the two coats above. They were the same price, on sale. The leather one I thought was adorable. It has fur on on inside but it's not very thick. I bought the puffy one. I thought it would be thicker and warmer for when I do walks around the neighborhood. BUt it's hard to buckle her in her carseat with it on. If you can say anything that helps me think I made the right decision, please do.

Maybe the baby would drool on the leather one. Maybe I can buy her one like it next year or the year after. Maybe I need to do some stinkin community service so I'm not so darn materialistic.

This hat looks like a beret when it's supposed to look like a cute cap like the one the teacher from the show "Glee" wears. One day I will get the perfect hat.

We went to the Electric Light Parade in Phoenix. It was FRIGID that night. The baby screamed her head off. I forgot one of her shoes and her little socked feet were cold and I had that "Mother GUILT" we all get sometimes.


This was obviously, "Pre-Furry-Brown-Coat". As you can guess, the obsession with the coats came partly as a result of the "guilt" mentioned above.

Go to this parade someday! Freeze but enjoy the large balloons, lit-up high school band uniforms, lit-up cars, and Sheriff Joe Arpaio riding in a fire truck. I seriously feared for his life as we were on 7th street and Indian school.

The End

The First Crawl of '09

Look at that face! She was thinking about crawling. But she also gets OCD on her one-wheeled bumble-bee toy.

Here goes! Starting position!

Crawl in action. (The first time was Sunday--this is a day or two later)

Hanging out with Grandma after church.

I Broke the Law and the Law Won

So yesterday morning I had an incident. I come home from baby sitting every morning and have two routes I can go home. If I go one way I may run into a large bus loading about 40 kids in our neighborhood. I don't want to be stuck behind this bus so I tend to go the other way,

Well, yesterday I went the bus way for some reason unbeknownst to me. I see the last few kids getting on the bus. I see the stop sign. But yet I slowly creep my car past the sign. Hoping not to get in trouble.

Two minutes later my doorbell rings. I thought there was an off chane that it was an irate person and thought maybe I shouldn't answer the door.

But there she was. Mouth in a grimace. Ready to give me a tounge lashing. I'm holding Lacey in my arms and this lady exclaims, "Are you aware of the law of the stop sign on the bus???" I was thrown off so I just said, "I forgot." I am extremely ashamed to admit that was a fib. She replied, Oh you forgot, huh?" She was very angry.

"Well several of the parents and the busdriver are really upset 'cause we see you do this all the time!!!" Not true! That was only possibly the 2nd time I did it and it was awhile ago.

"Well, if it was your kid riding the bus and I did it to you, how would you feel?????" she exclaimed. So I decided to use a tactic my mom uses that allows you do not be a doormat but to make the person look dumb for yelling. I killed her with kindness.

"Didn't I meet you at the pool one time?" and then, "Thank you so much for telling me. Thank you so much for coming over." This made her even angrier and she walked off in a huff, saying "Your welcome."

So 10 minutes later I get a call from my friend in my ward who saw the lady literally run after my car. Psycho! She told me this woman is known to get on people's cases a lot.

All I could think about later is how guilty I felt for doing it, but also all the comeback lines I could have used on her.

The ironic part: My husband's a busdriver and he calls the police on people sometimes who run his stop sign.

Now all you parents out there whose kids ride the bus, I'm so sorry! I will never do it again. I made a mistake.

And all you psycho yellers out there: Power trips will never give you joy. And don't take the law into your own hands. Let the police do it. And if you ever come on my property again and yell at me in front of my child, I may tee pee your house.

Old McDonald Had a Farm

And on that Shnepf Farm he had some corn.

He also had a small train to ride, bu lacey didn't ride it.

He had some hay to crunch on.

He had some punpkins to crouch on.

The littler pumpkins made a more comfy seat.

Cameron was the brains behind all these photos.

Lacey quite enjoyed herself.

One the first family photos ever.

And this is at our ward Trunk or Treat. My costume was thrown together 45 minutes before the thing started. I tried to make cornbread but it turned out flat and hard as a rock. Story of my life. I need cooking lessons!

Lacey was adorable.

The Tale of the Missing Adhesive

The tale begins with a flu shot. Little Lacey Lee never had a flu shot before. She waited for her doctor's appointment with heavy anticipation. She knew her stomach was acting up. Was it the chocolate bars her mom always eats? Perhaps that piece of bacon wrapped around a green chili at the neighbor's Halloween party. Whatever it was, Lacey hoped the doctor would set her mom straight on her eating habits.

The end of the appointment comes and "Oh no! What's that sharp thing aimed at my leg??? OW!!" The shot went in. But Lacey soon got over it and gazed curiously at her new red Crayola crayon bandaid.

At about 12:00 pm when her mom got Lacey out of the car after the appointment, the bandaid was missing. "Hmmm," she wondered. Then she promptly forgot about it.

Lunch time! Lacey was eating morsels of wheat bread. But they kept on making her cough. Her eyes watered. She even threw up a little! Mom was worried that her previous skillful bread chewing had temporarily come to an end. "Why can't she chew it anymore?" Lacey nursed and then got tired.

At one point in the day Lacey was laughing and her mom thought she saw something red and black on the roof of Lacey's mouth. "Naw. There's nothing there," she reasoned.

Lacey took a 2 hour nap. She dreamed of dogs, water fountains, and Cheetos.

At 5:00 it was dinner time. Again, the bread. Again, the choking.

"How about some chomping-of the-tv-remote time?" Lacey's mom said.

So they sat on the recliner and Lacey chomped away. Suddenly, without warning, a wet limp item landed on the mom's arm. "What IS that?"

She looked down. And there it was. The red Crayola bandaid. The bandaid that had been attached to the roof of Lacey's mouth for over 5 hours.

Here is the evidenec. The very bandaid following its residence in Lacey's mouth.



We're currently looking for a school for mothering. First class of the day, "The Dangers of Choking."

Tutus or Too toos?

Another cute pic from the photo shoot

A Future Cougar?

Not that kind of cougar, you sickos! Courtney Cox's kind of cougar will not be the future of Miss Lacey. Hopefully she will marry someone within 8 years of her age. Some of you have already seen these pics on facebook. But I just wanted to put them on here too in case anyone else wanted to see.

She saw herself on the computer in this pic yesterday and then made the same face.

Strikin a pose. This girl sat like this for a good 5 minutes and didn't move at all. She actually got into this position herself and then just got stuck.

There are a lot more I'm getting from my sister -in-law. She's so talented! Thanks again, Robin! Check out her photography blog at portraitsbyrobinlee.blogspot.com

We love Lacey!

Help! She Won't Eat Solids!

Ok, that title made it sound worse than it is. But I know there's lots of you with expertise out there. Tell me if you 've ever had this happen and what you did or have heard of.

I started her with all veggies the first couple of weeks. Then came all the fruits. She then rejected all the veggies. She got such a taste for bananas that she started just wanting those. She even refused the sweeter ones like squash and sweet potatoes.

I've tried mixing things with cereal. She'll only eat cereal with bananas. She started eating those fruit/veggie combos like apple &carrot but she's been rejecting those for 4 days now too. And a lot of times she's too tired /cranky /hungry to even want any solids.

I am going crazy!!!11 It's such a pain to prepare /warm food 6 to 8 times a day and maybe she takes it once. If I'm lucky, twice. What can I do?

Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear

I wanted to give ya'll an idea of how Lacey's hair sticks straight up. So I've been taking all these pictures of her but the lighting usually never shows her hair. This one does.

Her hair is like unto her Grandpa Nichols (Dave) , bless his heart. We lovingly refer to him as "The Mad Scientist."

Lacey is 7 months old! Time flies!

One of her favorite places to be.

My skirt is the background on this one.

There's a smile! This is one of the dresses we got around easter. It brings out her blue eyes.

Another fun place to play.

Close up! A lot of people think she's starting to look more like Cameron. What do you think?

She's waving at you guys! Hasta Luego!

How I Educate Myself . . . TV Doctors

How could you say "no" to this face"? How could you hide any of your past issues, your baggage, your emotional garbage if thsi man were standing in front of you? Is it his bald head? His manly stache? Is it the suit? Or does finger-pointing make you respond?

All I know is, what would I do without the doctors in my life? They may not be my personal doctors, but I 'm getting diagnosed.

What, pray tell, would I do from 1 pm to 3 pm without these shows?

I have to admit, Dr. Phil is addicting. You start watching 5 minutes thinking you won't stay on that channel, but then the story hooks you in and you find that an hour goes by.

Though Dr. Phil often creates extra drama and makes the people hate each other more than they did before they came, a lot of times he has a good point.

I actually think "The Doctors" is a really interesting show and well-done. I get hooked in by their teasers. Things like, " Coming up, the tests you need to undergo to save your life . . ."

What test is it??? Is my life in danger? Do I need to give up my daily dose of chocolate?

I am quite glad I am stull able to further my education from my own couch, tortilla chips in hand.

The "Other" Tattoo

I say that an email address is like unto a tatoo. You may or may not like it years from when you chose it. But you're stuck with it no matter what. (not saying anything bad about tattoos)

So I chose "fundip511" when I was 16. I liked the candy. The name was picked on a whim. I've always kept it and used yahoo 'cause I like the format the best.

Ever done something really embarrassing but don't realize how humiliating it was until a couple of years later when you think, "I was a buffoon!" ?

The story is that I worked for a professor at BYU as his teaching assistant. It was a humongous class of 300 called World Civilizations. On the first day of each semester, he would put my email address on the overhead and it was projected on this gigantic screen in the auditorium. And there it was. My professional email. The one people would look to for help in the class and to set tutoring times:

FUNDIP511@yahoo.com

Did I mention that many people have said over the years that they didn't open an email from me because they thought it was some racy, bad person??? I thought back then that you could only have one yahoo address under your name. So when I started teaching I made a hotmail and never liked using hotmail so I've kept fundip.I

Why oh why do I still use that address?

This all hit me the other day when I got an email from an old professor who now teaches in England. I thought, "He has carried that ridiculous address with him for 6 years now." I hope he doesn't think I'm a pervert.

Ugggh. I cringe.

4th of July--Food and Lacey

My favorite color is red! My friend Melanie gave us this adorable red and white outfit and I had no royal blue ribbon to make it patriotic so I used another blue. Lacey pulled it off!

Cameron's creations. They were gorgeous cupcakes. The frosting recipe he used was too buttery though so he was bummed.

Another Cameron creation. Who doesn't love a good Jello parfait? I was quite proud of his skills.

There's a partial smile!

Bizarre Stories Log, Summer '09

I had a couple of funny moments on my trip to Kansas. We just got back from riding with my family for 22 hours there and back.

Some highlights:

1. I was blow drying my hair and I had a sink full of water with a poopy outfit soaking in front of me. You know, they tell you to never blow dry near water. Well, all of a sudden the blow dryer falls into the water. Being the genius that I am, instead of unplugging it real quick, I pulled the dryer right back out of the water.

I could've died!!

2. This story actually happened right before Kansas. Cameron and I had taken 2 cars to church because I had to get a calling before church. So after church, I had the baby and I was looking for him so we could ride home together, forgetting he had his own car. I waited and waited in the foyer. No Cameron. This friend of ours started looking for him. He looked in every room of the church and couldn’t find him so he started to get worried. I didn’t have a watch so I didn’t realize forty minutes had gone by as I was just sitting there waiting and chitchatting.

Soon, half the bishopric starts looking for him too. All of a sudden, a lightbulb went on! Oh! We brought two cars! He went home. Let’s just say I was beyond embarrassed.

3. Finally, the Finale!!

In Kansas we went to see the movie "Up" with the whole family. We were already in the theatre and my older sister Tracie was in a huge rush to meet us in there. She had driven like a mad woman to pick up her 5 year old Spencer from summer camp. She jumped out of the car with him and starting walking into the theater, then realized she didn't have her car keys. So she thought, Oh well, I'll just have someone drive me home afterwards to get the spare keys.

She comes out of the movie and walks to her car and notices IT"S RUNNING! She had left her car running for the entire 2 1/2 hour movie ! We were dying laughing. And no one stole her car. Only in Kansas!!!
She honored me so much when she told me that she has now topped anything ditzy I've ever done. This one takes the cake, and probably will forever.

The face can say alot . . . especially the mouth part of the face

"Gee mom, I am so thrilled to be riding in this car for 4 hours straight. But I can't feel my butt anymore. Do you think you could take me out of here? I'll smile a good one for ya! Pleeease!" (After a 24 hour trip to Greer, AZ Lacey was eager to exit her car seat)

"This saucer tastes like fabric. It's better than my gripe water. Delish!! Too bad I'm too short to reach any of the toys around me."

"Ya know, I feel rather relaxed at the moment. But that will last approximately 5 minutes so enjoy it now. And why do you keep pointing that shiny silver thing at me?? It's blinding!"

"My stroller is very stimulating to the eye. The black, the white, the silver! I want my next vehicle to be a Volkswagon Jetta. Thanks, daddy."

" Oooooooooooh yeah. I'm lookin good. Look at me and my bad self! My head-holdy-uppy-self."

"You know, that flash takes my adorable smile away, mom. You can keep trying and trying, but it ain't gonna happen. You big weirdo!"

"Why must you take pictures of me every time I get a new outfit on? There's no room on your computer for all these pics. I know your computer is nearly crashed again."

" Dad found the secret! Strip me down and you'll get the grin. Jackpot!"

"My gums hurt so I'm drooling. And no, I'm not storing nuts in those cheeks for the winter. Elvis is aliiiiiiiiiiiiiive!" "You people are wacko! Where's my lunch?"